Anxiety, The Worst of Me

 Living with a mental illness and various panic disorders is, to me, kind of like walking around with a heavy and noisy speaker on your shoulder. Blaring your personal, and often embarrassing, playlists for the world to hear, on shuffle, with you desperately trying but unable to find the mute button. You receive a bunch of unwanted attention from eye-rolling strangers, the song and tempo is often wildly inappropriate for the situation, and people don’t understand why you can’t just silence the damn thing. Continue reading “Anxiety, The Worst of Me”

Advertisements

How to be an Emotional Wreck and Suck at Everything

 I’ve been blundering my way through this ‘life’ thing for nearly thirty years now, and I still haven’t quite figured out how to be good at it. I have, however, acquired a particular set of skills; namely, in fucking up and being a total failure. So for those of you out there who have successfully transitioned into adulthood,  are perhaps bored with your smooth sailing, easy-breezy lifestyle over in Made It-ville, here’s some tips on how to foray over  to the wrong side of the tracks and take up residence in FuckUp Town, all in just 10 easy steps! So put down your kale and chia juice or whatever it is that real grown-ups do these days, and prepare to be un-enlightened. You’re welcome.   Continue reading “How to be an Emotional Wreck and Suck at Everything”

Oh To Be

To have pieces still shiny, unbroken
for laughter to reign endlessly
to leave no desire unspoken,
Oh to be young and free. 

To bask in the glow of the moonlight, 
To kiss the salty mouth of the sea.
To fill lungs with air, unburdened
Oh to be young and free. 

To believe in joy and kindness,
And seek it fervently,
To love with a heart wide open,
Oh to be young and free. 

©totallyborderline

The Life Underwhelming 

“So, what have you been up to?” I fucking hate that question, and all variations of it, such as “what’s been happening?” or the cringe-worthy, “what’s the goss?”

I hate this question, because what am I supposed to answer? I’ve been working. Sleeping. Existing. Avoiding human contact as much as possible while sitting in my room watching dumb cartoons getting fucking stoned alone. Is that what you wanted to hear? Continue reading “The Life Underwhelming “